Monday, July 2, 2012

One of the most difficult things in life. Being Tolerant!

 Venkat said this on wednesday while we were playing golf.  Venkat and I were in college together! Not as class mates, but he took some subjects with us. He was an honours student! Then we met again in Pune. Lost contact and met again on the golf course about a year ago! Since then we play golf together whenever we can.

It happened this way! We were just two-ball and were following a four-ball group.  We thought we could request the group ahead and go past them. Venkat spoke to one of them, and as I approached, I heard him say 'Okay! PLAY FAST!'  He sounded very abrupt and did not sound courteous! I replied, what I thought was a smile, but it could have been  a grimace, 'Thanks! But expect us to play at NORMAL speed, not fast!' At the same time, Venkat smiled and said, 'If we get slow, we will just pick up the ball and go ahead!' But the man reacted to my comment and said we could not go ahead of them. I walked back!

Obviously Venkat was a bit annoyed with me,  'Do not expect  expect courteous behaviour because it is a club. Not all are the same, and probably he could not even express himself porperly in English.' and added 'One of the most difficult things in life is being tolerant'.

It is true I was upset with the man. In golf we do let players behind us go ahead. It is understood and it is required that we do not hold up the group following us with our slow game. Is some clubs, marshalls keep track and tell us to get going!

But Venakat's words stayed with me and helped me maintain my cool the next day! First was the auto driver, he interrogated me about my destination first and then refused to go! The next one would not even look at me, which meant no! The third guy was good enough to say yes! But he was irritated with me as I did not give him the exact location! 'You should have said: the bank near the petrol pump.' But he was honest and did not ask for more! I do sometime lose my cool and take a reformist attitude and lecture them and once I even shouted at one guy. It is just useless anger as there is no way things will change!

Yesterday it was not just the auto guys. It was also a gentleman driver, adorned with the standard mustache and goggles, who decided to scare the s**t out of me. As I was crossing the road along with others, they were probably scurrying while I was walking, the driver decided to try his skills as a matador and brushed my ankle. While I admire his skills, if he had been an inch closer, I would have probably stumbled. I don't think he was right in doing this and I was very upset.

The car stopped at the crossing, one more reason why there was no need for him to speed up and then brake. Anyway I went to him,  While normally I would have banged on his car and shouted, I told him politely that he almost knocked me down. Not surprisingly he and the woman next to him, did not bother even to look in my direction, he did not say a word, but twirled his hand in a typical kannada style, which meant 'I couldn't care less!'   I got really angry, as his attitude told me that he had done it deliberately, but controlled myself. I think I owe it to Venkat.

I spoke about this need for tolerance with my friend and auditor Yathiraj, I was with him today. He added that we also need to tolerate a lot, looking at what is happening in the country.

I called Raji on my return and checked about the situation at their new home. They have just moved, and the brand new home needs repairs!  The plumber just broke the wall in the bathroom, did something and would check again after two days. If there is no improvement, then he promised to break the tiles to go to the root of the problem!

Oh yes! The TV chaps did not even turn up!  I thought I will pass on my new gyan to her, but she said she will talk later! Hope she reads this blog works on both the T's.

I checked both words on Thesarus and there is a shade of difference between the two. I have copied it for fun! Take a look!
Entry: tolerant  [tol-er-uhnt]  Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: open-minded, easygoing
Synonyms: advanced, benevolent, big, broad, broad-minded, catholic, charitable, clement, complaisant, condoning, easy on, easy with, excusing, fair, forbearing, forgiving, free and easy, humane, indulgent, kindhearted, lax, lenient, liberal, long-suffering, magnanimous, merciful, patient, permissive, progressive, radical, receptive, soft, sophisticated, sympathetic, understanding, unprejudiced, wide
Antonyms: biased, disapproving, intolerant, narrow-minded, prejudiced

Example Sentences:
He took time to find out what he thought and he had an open mind and a tolerant nature.
They have created a tolerant yet orderly society, and have married mateship with rugged individualism.
Entry: tolerate  [tol-uh-reyt]  Part of Speech: verb
Definition: allow, indulge
Synonyms: abide, accept, admit, authorize, bear, bear with, blink at, brook, condone, consent to, countenance, endure, go, go along with, have, hear, humor, live with, permit, pocket, put up with, receive, sanction, sit and take it, sit still for, stand, stand for, stay the course, stomach*, string along, submit to, suffer, sustain, swallow*, take, tough out, undergo, wink at
Antonyms: check, disallow, disapprove, halt, stop, veto


Hari Gopalan said...

Your blog supports my argument which I have with family & friends that, people in India need to show more civility to others and a mandatory course in interpersonal skills a must. Your golf terminology “Four Ball Group” threw me of and then I figured your reference to a foursome – a group of four.

I always enjoy reading your blog.

Hari Gopalan

N L Sriram said...

Slightly off-topic, as this is related to "religious tolerance", but this article -, pops up in my mind whenever I hear the word "tolerance"! It is easy for the advanced souls, who have given up all notions of duality, but very tough for the rest of us.

There are many effective, equally valid religions. They are, therefore, to be equally reverenced, equally recognized and equally loved and cherished — not merely tolerated. They speak of religious tolerance. The word tolerance smacks of a sense of condescending to allow something to be, condescending to recognize the authenticity or validity or bonafides of something else from a relative or comparative point of view. It is a term that should be gradually eased out. For it is not so much a question of tolerating another's point of view, but rather being able to understand that view from the other's viewpoint. If you are able to look through the eyes of the one with whom you are not able to agree, then you will understand why that person is seeing it in that particular manner.