Sunday, December 4, 2011

My paradigm vanished.

When we announced our plans to move to Bengaluru, friends asked: 'Where are you going to stay?'  We replied: 'We have booked an apartment with all the facilities in J P Nagar. It should have been ready by now, but we hope we can move in an year's time.' Then Tara would add: 'Till then we will stay on the first floor of my father's house. He lives in the ground floor and manages very well. It is remarkable the way he does it. He has two paying guests. A cook who comes in the morning and make breakfast, lunch and dinner. And a maid who takes care of other things. He is totally independent and amazing at his age. He is 90 plus.'

Then a few close friends asked us both in Bangkok and Bengaluru 'Why go elsewhere?'. The answer was 'Nidhi likes to play tennis, use the gym and go for a swim. The apartment complex has these facilities. Moreover he loves (addicted!) to play golf and his club is closer to JP nagar'.

Anyway that was my paradigm! The scientists may frown that I have used basically a scientific term, but I have seen that people love to use the word 'pardigm shift'. I think it is the management gurus who hijacked this word and it is now a cliche'.

Then it happened! Tara got a job as a teacher at CIS in Yelahanka. A 30km ride from JP nagar. While the apartment got ready, shifting there became impractical as it would have been too hard on Tara. My first reaction was, let her know what it was to commute 50 kms, the way I did in Bangkok! But  we realised soon that asking appa to move with us, which looked easy while we were in Bangkok, had many issues that had to be resolved. He was well set, sentimentally attached to the place and was still fairly independent! There were moments when he needed Tara around, but very rarely. Also my very close friends Mouli and Raghu both felt it was better not to contemplate a move at this moment.

But I was getting restless and bored and Tara said she was ready to move and would manage to take care of appa when necessary, but would prefer to stay in a place closer to Kumara Park! We looked at some other bubbles which had all the facilities and liked them. But the apartments on offer were all second sales and owners wanted money in two colors in spite of all noise made by Anna Hazare. He of course was targeting corrupt politicians and officials, not enterprising investors. (Hopefully their time too shall come!). Desperate, I even wished that there was an ATM type of machine, govt approved, which changed color of the money, for a reasonable fee!

That is the moment when my paradigm vanished. You may be tempted to correct me and say it was a paradigm shift. For a while it was more of a paradigm paralysis, failure to look at the reality,  then it became clear and thoughts of moving out from here just 'vanished'.

We Indians also call it destiny! While playing golf , Gopi visiting from Seattle, asked me 'When are you moving to JP nagar?'  The answer came to me as if  I heard a voice from above, (The effect of blogging about Mahabharata!) and I said 'It all depends on the stars of Bhuvana and at the moment it is very strong!' And explained before he thought that I had lost my mind, 'She is appa's maid and she has taken care of him all these years and she does not want him to move!'

Believe me that there are no paradigms in one's life and it is in a constant flux and is influenced by factors beyond one's imagination and understanding!  I know what my friends will say! 'I told you so!


Varsha Nair said...

ahh.. the "bubble" dream versus the reality.... enjoyed the read Nidhi. ATMs that offer money in 2 colours - brilliant!

srinidhi said...

Thanks Varsha! I have been missing your comments. I know you have been busy taking care of your mother. Good to know she is doing better.

Shobana said...

Hello from Eagleton!

Really enjoyed your story on the vanishing paradigm!

S K Ramesh said...

Hi Tara & Nidhi,

I just read your blog & instantly wanted to support you in your decision "not to move".

I guess with time our needs/priorities change but believe that "looking after our elders" is an important/ emotive responsibility which you & your kids will cherish in times to come.

How is golfing/ life in B'lore getting on?

Cheers for now.


Shrikanth Narsimha said...

LOLLL Nidhi Uncle! Stars of Bhuvana indeed! See you guys in Bangalore soon :)


lakshmi ramaswami said...

loved the bhuvana's stars bit!
paradigm unshift!

Prakash said...


During the 50's most of the servants in Bombay were 'male' and from the Ratnagiri belt and the entire lot were generally called as "Rama's". So with all apologies to Sir C.V. Raman we used to call them as Raman Effect, since we had to complete our ablutions, breakfast, lunch etc to coincide with their 'comings and goings'. Stars of Bhuvana is a stroll down memory lane.


srinidhi said...

Hi Prakash
I remember this. Rama's visit was like a whirlwind. If we are not ready we better wash the vessels etc., ourselves! Learned the hard way during my visit to Bombay ages ago.